Analysis Paralysis & A Perpetuating Perfectionist
This week I have been working with a fantastic group of unique people preparing some exciting new material and events for next year. More will be revealed in January 2021.
However, it was not an easy decision to get here!
It has been more of a combination of years of analysis paralysis plus a petulant perfectionist.
Before I explain more, I should explain what is meant by these two phrases.
The phrase ‘analysis paralysis’, describes a situation where an individual overanalyses or overthinking a situation so much that they find no solution or take no course of action and thereby becomes “paralysed”, i.e. ceases to progress forward.
And let’s discuss what I mean by Perfectionism.
Perfectionism can be an admiral characteristic admired much in many people for many particular acts.
Yet if combined with other elements like overanalysis, Perfectionism can become draining, overwhelming, and spiralling downwards into fear of failure, criticism, and of course, making any form of mistake.
Like a line of dominoes falling down, that perpetuates into experiencing anxiety, sadness, feelings of inferiority and low self-esteem.
So Perfectionism in moderation can be a good thing as long as it is in balance with other parts.
But not when it develops a mind of its own and seeks no relief from the endless, “This is just not quite good enough” mantra.
So after years of analysis paralysis on many fronts, and recognising what to do when it happens (journal, meditate and take counsel), I made a brave decision to step forward and out to help more women with endometriosis globally.
Inviting external teams to assist me was a big step.
It is a big leap in terms of investing further in my business (to get this vital message of hope and healing out) but also my broader expansion and exposure into the world personally. (I may have mentioned in the past how a part of me still resists this at times and seeks to remain in the shadows).
Yet, I am continually compelled, to keep progressing forward to inspire women with endometriosis, as too many women still believe endometriosis is a life sentence.
And that is one of the biggest falsehoods and fallacies in the medical field.
Yet women don’t know what they don’t know. Therefore I will forever feel obligated to share there is another way too as many women as I can.
Even this week, as another group of women, competed the EndoBoss® Academy, I felt such delight for them as they had come so far and become a boss of their endometriosis — an official EndoBoss®.
I feel incredibly proud of them all as I know how hard they have worked and how ill they were at the start.
To see their growth and healing is phenomenal.
My EndoBoss® students have been brilliant furthermore dedicated and uber resilient even during the sad days, bad days and the days they felt like giving up.
Although, we have a tremendous EndoBoss® Team who provide the all-round support to ensure that does not happen!
These awesome women persevered despite Covid, despite toxic people and despite ‘life’ trying to divert and interfere with their desire for a new path.
I love working with women who have this steely resolve, dedication and determination.
And that’s why I pride myself by creating something unique to allow women to progress, grow and of course, heal physically, emotionally and spiritually. It’s an honour and a privilege to watch the growth and transformation that can occur over 6–9 months.
The right environment must be created to allow the safe, secure and sensitive passage to a pain-free body by establishing the root causes of the pain and inflammation and hormonal imbalance.
One of the favourite phrases I can hear myself say often is “This journey is not easy, but it is definitely worth it to get to the other side”.
I promise you that!
So, my incredible EndoBoss® team and I celebrated, and we all gave thanks for having the honour of partnering these awesome women to the other side — ceasing of pain, health and peace.
So it is results like those that keep me motivated to keep moving forward and outward. I have to keep sharing these success stories and messages of hope and healing.
My brilliant business coach is always encouraging me to put myself out there, and I admit to having resisted it as much as I could.
That is until now.
For over the past five years, I have created, produced, and been carefully testing my many online programs and pathways to ensure improvements and results are achieved for every single woman.
There is no point of promoting empty, heartless programs that achieve zero results like some people without a moral conscience do.
Recently I was accused by some toxic troll that I was only helping women ‘for money’.
These people are ridiculous with the projections of their internal motivator.
How could that be true when I have calculated that I have ploughed over 6 figures of my own money into this business over the past 5 years. And I also make a loss every time a woman takes advantage of my Free Paperback book offer.
But I’m prepared to take the hit if it gets my book into women’s hands, that I get the message out to many and it helps them heal their bodies.
My message to millions.
That’s my mission.
That is the legacy I wish to leave behind.
A legacy where words like ‘natural or naturally’ are not scoffed at or ridiculed by the medical profession any more.
One day, I would like to be someone who stands in front of medical students at the very beginning of their decade’s long training and share all of my Endometriosis success stories.
(And you will be able to read all the EndoBoss® Success Stories in my new paperback book due out early 2021).
If money were my motivator, I would have reopened my property business many years ago after I put the condition into remission.
But that business did not nurture my soul, feed my spirit or fulfilled my purpose.
Those who tout about money and make it out that it is somehow evil, miss the point.
Money is just a promise of exchange of services or goods.
Money is just a tool.
And money is always replenishable.
But time isn’t.
And time, for many women with endometriosis, is wasted in torment in their beds, hugging hot water bottles and being plied with pharmaceutical poisons that only worsen their symptoms.
You may know my story well by now, but for those who don’t, the old medical machine pathway had me ending up disabled and bedridden for 2.5 years.
What I came to realise at that time was my organs were nearly failing me.
I was knocking on heaven’s door.
The physical, mental, emotional and spiritual anguish I experienced during this time was devastating.
Thoughts of ending my life frequently occupied and swam through my mind.
Doctors didn’t know what to do with me and called me an enigma.
So now, when toxic toads and trolls question my motives for why I do what I do now, I ask them in return, “So let me get this right — what you are proposing is I should have kept all of this vital information to myself and selfishly disregarded all the women suffering in the world who might benefit from this information? Is that what you are telling me?”
This invariably this silences them and they scurry back under their stone.
It’s essential to understand and question someone’s motives.
To establish their ‘why’.
(Actually, when I coach online entrepreneurs at the beginning of their journey, I actually come in a bit deeper and start with the ‘who’ before their why but more on that another time).
From your basic instincts comes the resounding confirmation that the person marketing to you is genuine or not from their motives.
It saddens me to see the increased number of charlatans, vagabonds and predators who have moved into the Endometriosis field and are marketing to women with endometriosis.
Some of these people (and yes some are men!) are very misleading and feed into the despair of women who have had their hopes raised and dashed so many times it makes them feel like giving up.
There are a few genuine people in the space, although I do remember feeling a little perturbed when some have shared that they do still suffer from pain and symptoms of endometriosis every month, yet masquerade that they don’t.
Let’s be super clear; I don’t.
I do NOT suffer a gripe or a niggle or any symptom of endometriosis or any other of the many conditions and symptoms I had before.
I hope that you find that inspiring for you to achieve too.
If I can do it, then I know you can too (with the right support and direction)
That is my point.
Many people masquerading in the Endometriosis field have not ‘cracked the code’ (although I wish I could also help them to be completely pain-free to).
I heard one of them the other day was promoting the ‘flushing’ a female body part to heal.
I was in shock.
This is highly inaccurate and misleading advice. It is a ludicrous approach that many women may fall for (feeding into the quick-fix that we are addicted too) and then feel let down and then be left upset when another thing doesn’t work’!
I used to be drawn to those ideas many times on my journey.
It is essential on this journey to always ask questions of the person you seek support.
If these people have not managed to put their own condition into remission, then how could they possibly guide you?
Equally, if it is a non-medical man who is offering guidance on endometriosis, yet he has never experienced a monthly cycle, then you have to seriously question his motives.
It’s the age-old misconception of the snake-oil salesperson. He would stand on his cardboard box, professing a miracle cure, reinforcing this belief that ‘one single product or treatment is the magic cure’.
Again, let’s be super clear; It’s not.
There is no magic cure.
What works with endometriosis is systematically working with what God and nature gave us.
Identifying the toxins and poisons that come in their many forms and slowly swapping them out to let the body heal.
It’s the multi-modal approach called the Laidlaw Protocols and The 5 P’s, that deals with the whole body and whole person. By supporting the whole body to do what it always wants to do — which is heal itself.
If ending endometriosis was a ‘quick fix’ then there would not be 175 million women suffering from it. There would not be millions every year having multiple, repeated and damaging surgeries that fail them time and time again.
So this is my motive.
My deep motive is to share that there is ANOTHER way, other than what we are brought up and conditioned to believe about painkillers, drugs or surgery.
I want to ensure that a woman hears that there is an alternative option so that her instincts immediately sit up and take notice.
For it is pure common sense that a human body heals itself, it has been doing so for millions and millions of years, well before the ‘medical machine’ had been created just a little over a 100 years ago.
So I admit that I struggle to relax fully and not be working on sharing this message every, single, day.
There is always this small voice at the back of my head that is saying; “Wendy what about all these women out there in deep pain and despair? Keep going and get this message out to millions. Time is ticking away.”
So this step of employing the services of these external teams of people is a giant leap forward for me.
I made a pact with myself that the analysis paralysis had to stop and my Perfectionist had to have faith that I was being supported by the right people.
As the title of Susan Jeffers book says “I felt the fear and did it anyway”.
Psychologists say that normal children are born with only two natural fears — the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises — and that all others are environmentally acquired.
Sigmund Freud, the famous psychologist, spoke of a person who was genuinely afraid of snakes, who lived in the heart of an African jungle. Yet of another person who neurotically feared that snakes were under the carpet in his city apartment.
Normal fear protects us; abnormal fear paralyses us.
Most of these acquired fears are snakes under the carpet…
An acronym of fear is ‘False evidence appearing real’.
Martin Luther King Jr said “Normal fear motivates us to improve our individual and mutual well-being; abnormal fear always poisons and distorts our inner lives. Our problem is not to be rid of fear but rather to harness and master it.”
So I decided to master this fear!
Yet the fear of the unknown also brought to the forefront; my Perfectionist.
Perfectionism is an admirable quality but not when exercised to extremes and combined with fear!
Perfectionism, in psychological terms, is a personality style defined by a person’s concern with striving for flawlessness and perfection and may be accompanied by critical self-evaluations and concerns regarding others’ evaluations.
Perfectionism drives people to be concerned with achieving unattainable ideals or unrealistic goals.
Welcome to a very big part that has dominated my life.
Which is not really surprising given my conditioning and heritage.
Yet so much hard to separate from, respect and allow it to merge with other parts.
I realised this about myself late in life when it led to chronic depression and lowering self-esteem.
I believe that within each of our psyches, we have an array of parts or characters that have their individual needs and personalities.
Sigmond Fraud also mentioned we had shadow parts and others have followed in his footsteps to discuss parts like the internal critic, pusher and people pleaser, etc.
But the Perfectionist dominates many people who have grown up with constant criticism and fear of getting anything wrong.
Many of the women I get the pleasure of working with have a strong perfectionist part.
And of course, I love them for it because the Perfectionist has its place and wants to get it right!
But sometimes the Perfectionist can be a bit pesky, petulant and inhibit progress.
What I mean is, it has its clear and apparent strengths, and we do not want that perfectionist element to disappear, but more come into balance to allow the more, and dare I say, fun and creative ‘parts’ to get a little light.
So much of my encouragement to my EndoBoss® Beginners is to start to learn how to have fun and let a little play and relaxation into their bodies and life.
Although, this is where my pesky Perfectionist part is still in training too.
So I wanted to share my transformative experience of managing my Perfectionist part as I continue on this journey.
So, my new external teams were instructed to embark on a broader range of marketing.
The marketing campaign is designed to reach more women with endometriosis, and the support on offer and that endometriosis is not a life sentence.
So as a result, I was asked to record some video material.
One of the tasks was to make a recording of a script that had been written for me by the scriptwriter after our last meeting.
“Simple,” I said, “Looking forward to it”.
No problem, I had thought. I host webinars and online meetings every week and have done for years. This will be easy and might even be fun.
Famous last words.
Oh, my goodness!
But my Perfectionist went into overdrive.
So the past ten days have been an enormous challenge for me.
My thinking had been that I would print off the script without giving it much of a glance and anticipated that I would just get it all bashed out in one take.
Not a chance.
The first take was awful.
I had a total brain freeze.
The second take was hilarious as my son blinked both eyes as an indicator the video was recording and for some reason, I thought this was hilarious, and it made me laugh out loud time and time again.
Then, as we stood in the Park, the wind whipped up, and the Scottish rain made its regular appearance and drove down in bucketloads.
We were both drenched but still in good spirits.
No problem I said as we ran into our apartment to take cover from the rain. I will go out tomorrow and try again.
“This will be super easy,” I said. “How hard can this be?” I laughed heartily again.
Well, over the next four days, I stumbled and stuttered and struggled to get even a full sentence out my mouth in one fell swoop.
Delivering this script word perfect was becoming like a nightmare.
Slowly, over the days I was developing a newfound respect for actors and actresses on TV and in the movies.
Logically, the words made sense, they were mine, (just redrafted a little by the writer) and so simple a child in Kindergarten could read them.
Then started to get embarrassing and I could feel the stress mounting.
I messaged the team several times and apologised for the delay and explained that something was going wrong and I couldn’t figure it out.
I got lots of advice from many sources. I concluded that it might be best to have a day off to break the pattern and then retackle this brain block from a few different angles at the end of the week.
It was suggested to speak the script super fast and then speak it slowly and then to even sing it, and then finally, not to stop speaking the script no matter how many mistakes were made or how many words were fluffed.
My Perfectionist went overdrive and became even more petulant.
What if it wasn’t perfect? What if I was a laughing stock? What if I was a total disaster!?
So after my day’s break, the recording started again in day 5.
I stood in the Park determined to get this done in one take, yet I had somehow thought it was a good idea to also bring my enthusiastic 12 weeks puppy out with me too.
I was plagued with Poppy, my pup, frantically running round and round my legs, tying me up in knots the lead around my legs meaning I almost had a face plant fall to the grassy ground.
When recording recommenced again, she started to chew her squeaky toy and enjoyed exercising her enthusiastic jaws up and down so vigorously that no words could be heard on the video playback.
Perhaps trying to ‘kill two birds with one stone’ as the saying goes, meaning I had tried to achieve two aims with one action, i.e. take Poppy for a walk, and record videos together was not the best idea after all.
Take 3 of the day was interrupted when another dog in the Park decided to bound across to greet Poppy and bring its owner. The owner seemed oblivious to the fact, despite obvious signs of recording and filming equipment, then proceeded to ask what I was doing.
Take 9 was disturbed by a dishevelled young man playing his motorised toy car at high speed back and forth in the background.
Take 11 was ceased by young children involved in a screaming competition.
Take 17 interrupted by Ambulance sirens passing by.
By this point, I was cold and miserable and feeling a fat failure and close to tears!
“How hard can this be?”. I shouted to myself.
I had envisioned this recording to be a simple and even fun task.
But I was struggling, and I was getting increasing daily reminders and messages from the teams asking me where the videos were.
I could feel the pressure.
So never one to be defeated, I came up with the inspired idea of downloading a teleprompter.
“That will do the trick!” I said with glee.
Teleprompter provided the words, but they either moved too fast or too slow or were too small or too big. And still, I had taken after take, after take, of muck up and fluffing words and continual brain freezes.
Nearly at the point of admitting defeat and feeling like giving up, I went for a walk in nature and then had a meditation and ‘bingo’ it occurred to me that what was preventing progress was my pesky Perfectionist.
Yes, of course, I still wanted it to look good and be professional, but my Perfectionist was a huge problem and needed to be reigned in and needed help.
So I called my amazing daughter Maxine and asked her to come round and assist.
I admit to feeling dazed, confused and down founded by what had been going on over the past six days.
Yes, there was the usual nonsense and irritancy of the everyday work issues, but I’d had a successful week in many areas.
Yes, there was a ‘real reveal’ of an angry abusive and toxic person whom I had once previously thought of as close (more on that in a future podcast), but my EndoBoss team were dealing with that.
So what on Earth was going on!?
Maxine zoomed round like a superhero with her cape on.
A big beaming smile greeted me as I opened my front door.
Despite having spent 12 hours with 26 children aged 7–8 years old, her spirits were open, kind and generous.
“We can do this, Mum!” She said with glee.
And I believed her.
I had too.
I had no choice.
The clock was ticking very loudly, and I was feeling the deadline pressure mounting.
So after a quick debrief of all the shenanigans, some amusing and some not so, we started to brainstorm more ideas to appease the Perfectionist and allow filming to proceed.
Maxine had very sweetly printed off all of my scripts onto paper for me, so I was filled with a newfound optimism.
“I can do this,” I said with greater enthusiasm than I felt.
I had to be positive and optimistic.
I couldn’t fluff in front of my daughter. I wanted her to be proud of me and not see me mess it up again.
I couldn’t fall to the ground weeping and wailing and banging my fists on the ground in frustration (as much as I wanted too).
“I can do this”. I repeated out loud over and over.
So with some new tools including a microphone to defeat the Scottish easterly wind and a wide-angle lens, so I could keep focused on looking down the ‘barrel of the lens’ rather than have wondering eyes, off we trotted (without darling Poppy this time) across to the Park.
We were optimistic despite the failing light of day, which was disappearing fast and bringing with it a damp cold weather front.
It took longer than expected to get the equipment set up, and Maxine had to improvise by putting some equipment down the front of her scarf so she could leave her hands free to sift through the script pages for me as I spoke.
The first few takes resulted in stomach clasping laughter as the camera slipped down her scarf and sloped to the right. Then I unexpectedly and energetically jolted the microphone out of the video, forgetting I was attached as I walked away.
So, as the daylight dimmed and the street lights glistened, we did a good, decent take — albeit in with a dull background.
My optimism was renewed!
We laughed our way back home and reviewed the filming over a delightful gluten-free pizza and prepared for the next day.
I woke feeling more encouraged than I had done all week, so we were up bright and early to set off again to the Park with determination.
I decision was made — We were not returning until the filming had been done.
So take 4 had Maxine’s fur trim coat showing on the edge of the film.
Take 7 had the script pages entering into camera shot as she dropped each one in line with my speaking.
By take 11 we were exhausted and close to hyperthermia. The Scottish weather had turned into a bitingly cold wind and although sunny temperatures had felt near freezing.
By this time, we had been outdoors standing still in what felt like subzero temperatures with only two layers of clothing for over 90 minutes.
Our fingers were almost blue with the cold, and my nose started to stream.
At the last minute, my pesky Perfectionist relinquished its tight control and agreed to have some fun with the script and to present it in a different way.
Maxine also decided to throw the printed paper script into the bucket and instead hold her mobile phone as a homemade teleprompter which worked a treat.
We laughed some more at all that we were doing to get this to work.
Such fun memories!
Maxine’s poor arm ached as she diligently and determinedly kept her phone in the perfect position so my Perfectionist could relax and for the first time in 6 days, read the script and, wait for it, complete it in one take!
Maxine and I were in shock!
It was done!
It was perfect!
And it was a wrap! (As they say in the movies).
So what had changed?
We looked in shock at each other.
What just happened?
How could I have struggled for six days yet deliver the result in under 20 minutes?
My fearfully Perfectionist has stepped to the side to allow me to have fun with the filming, and without the pressure, something had shifted and relaxed.
There’s clearly a time and place for Perfectionism, but I’ve learned on this journey there’s also a time and a place for fun too.
Sometimes we put such pressure on ourselves to be perfect that it inhibits us from progress and completion.
I reflected about how much time I had spent trying to ‘get it right’.
Trying to get it ‘just perfect’.
How distressed I had got, yet accomplished the square root of nothing but yet more distress.
So it’s a lesson.
It was the same when I self-published the first edition of my book “Heal Endometriosis Naturally Without Painkillers, Drugs or Surgery”.
Was it 100% perfect with spelling and grammar etc?
But did it help women have hope and heal?
It helped thousands of women.
It was then when my finger hovered over the ‘publish’ button that my Perfectionist went into a cold sweat.
But Perfectionism was not an option then.
I did not have the money to edit it in the way I wanted, but I hoped that the women would forgive me and read my heartfelt message and feel inspired by my success story instead.
Now, as the 2nd edition of my book is about to be launched in January 2021, my Perfectionist has had some time to come out in delve deep into this edition.
All parts are proud of all that I have produced because I have had to overcome tremendous fear and trepidation in doing so.
I recognise that my Perfectionist part is just trying to protect me from toxic, critical and nasty toads which would pick holes in a Picasso.
But as time, as gone by, I keep focused on my mission.
I’m thankful for my pesky Perfectionist and that when it relaxes and allows creative parts some light, I get to help share my message and help other women with Endo shine and become an EndoBoss®.
So, another reminder to embrace your emotions and parts.
So my special thanks to Maxine for coming to my rescue and enabling a super compilation of amusing videos for our memory banks.
And the filming of the script?
Well, you will hear more about what exciting things I have planned for you in the next few weeks.
So how is your Perfectionist preventing progress or causing fear?
Remember to write in your journal, go out into nature and consider mindfulness or meditation to connect back it to what is happening inside.
For all the answers you seek, lie within you.
Next week we finish the year as I talk more about the Endometriosis Secrets and 5 P’s (poisons) but until then…
To your health!
To download your FREE Top 5 Quick-Start Tips go to https://HealEndometriosisNaturally.com