How To Step Away from Domestic Abuse & Emotional Mistreatment; Slowly, Safely and Securely.

The dictionary’s definition of empowerment is “the process of becoming stronger and more confident, especially in controlling one’s life and claiming one’s rights”.

What I had not appreciated was that subversive and coercive control is conducted by the toxic person below the level of consciousness.

It may come under the guise of “I was only joking” or “You are too sensitive”, or “You’re not wearing that are you?” and other derogatory remarks, that like drops of water hitting a stone, slow wear aware any sense of self.

I think this story about the Elephant & Rope explains it best:-

A gentleman was walking through an elephant camp one day when he spotted that the elephants weren’t being kept in cages or held captive by the use of chains.

The moral of the story is clear.

We are all a byproduct of our conditioning and upbringing.

It may be that you feel trapped and attached and unable to break free like the elephants in our story, but you are more powerful than you believe.

The same goes for Endometriosis and Adenomyosis.

You see, women are not meant to suffer.

Women are not meant to endure decades of emotional or physical pain.

Pain with a period is not normal.

Pain in the body, in any area of the body, is the body’s way to indicate that something is wrong and it seeks your attention to correct that wrong.

An immune system that is impaired, due to the high level of chronic stress, may malfunction and even in some cases, end up attacking itself like in the case of autoimmune diseases.

Then there is the nervous system that is the regulator or preceptor of what is safe, or not safe, in the environment or world a woman lives in.

It’s important to remember that your current physical situation is not your fault.

You don’t know what you don’t know.

So, it is always the actions we must pay attention to, not the words.

If, by forgiveness, the speaker meant, to let go of trying to please, placate, influence and change a particularly difficult person, and accept them as they are, (i.e. a toxic controlling and harmful person), but establish very clear boundaries for their own protection, then, of course, I would agree with that definition of forgiveness.

It is easier to ‘forgive’ a toxic person from a distance after you have been able to escape the abuse and mistreatment.

It is easier to ‘forgive’ if you have had support through a kind, loving and supportive friend, family and/or a counsellor, who are aware, educated and understand the emotional abuse you have suffered through the triangulation, gaslighting and abhorrent emotional mistreatment.

Real forgiveness should actually be for yourself.

Real forgiveness for yourself means ceasing to beat yourself up emotionally when you have already been beaten down subconsciously by your relentless inner critic part in your head every day.

These stories are just the tip of the iceberg of the mistreatment and abusive stories I hear every day.

Bullying, abuse and emotional mistreatment is widespread in many areas of society by toxic people in positions of authority, and I believe, as I mentioned last week, is an epidemic of gigantic proportions that few are even aware of.

There is another pathway.

It is a new empowering pathway that helps you break free from that rope and stick that is holding you back in pain.

So significant and impactful empowerment and change start with focusing on yourself first.

I believe that the secret to life is balance — be it hormones, food, products, stress, fun, etc.

You are not meant to suffer in this way.

This was not what you dreamed about when you were a little girl.

Yet, you can become your own hero and own knight.

What you naturally seek as a woman is a secure and safe form of love.

Martin Luther King said, “Education is the one thing that they cannot take away from you”.

Abuse isn’t always physical, remember, and if you suspect you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, then education is king.

‘Awareness, Information, Education, Inspiration and Empowerment’.

But let me share with you another story that may help you increase how leopards do not change their spots. Yes, leopards may try to dust over the spots with camouflage, but the spots are still there.

If you identify that your partner or family member is toxic, then recognise that this toxic person is never going to change no matter what you say or do.

That is their nature.

Toxic people like to emotionally harm and inflict pain upon their prey.

Chances are if you are listening to my podcasts and have Endometriosis and Adenomyosis, you are probably a lovely, kind, big-hearted woman who loves to keep everyone happy, so when the toxic person starts to realise that you are not accepting of their behaviour any more, they may escalate their foul behaviour, games and tactics to start with, and/or love bomb you temporarily again to increase the strength of the trauma bond.

Watch the actions of your partner or friends or family for they speak much louder than any words.

Words are cheap.

So the first step to empowering yourself is to start to journal.

Let the ink from a pen mark the paper of a journal regularly and allow the download and escape of thoughts and feelings from your head.

We all seek change and fear change in equal measure.

On my journey, I was truly terrified at every step.

Yet, there was something deeper in me that knew I had a calling.

I recognised my desires, my yearnings and my pangs of pain to escape the clutches of the suppression and poisonous playmates I had.

Empowerment isn’t just a physical act or statement (and more on that later), but it is an emotional one.

You deserve a life free of pain and suffering you are not meant to suffer.

Life may have been full of suffering up until this point and elements of your body are screaming at you and causing pain and symptoms to get your attention whether it be any one of the five poisons and or a combination of them.

Start by just noticing.

Start by just paying attention.

Empowerment starts from the inside out.

Empowerment starts by realising the pressure cooker of thoughts and feelings need a release.

This science-based and practical based guidance and tools to help gently guide you to start this small journey of stepping into the beautiful you that lies within.

I especially created this 21-day challenge to challenge women to pay attention to their thoughts, feelings and emotions for 21 days straight and learn how to put themselves first.

“Many a false step was made by standing still.”

So take that first step into positive action now, and we look forward to meeting you!

“Be your own boss” — an EndoBoss®

To your health!

Founder & CEO Of — Helping Women Put Endometriosis Condition Into Remission Through The Laidlaw Protocols.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store